Austin Chronicle in 5 minutes 3/31/06

The Chronicle is awesome, but there are so many pages… and so many ads… who has time? And we know you read this site while you are supposed to be working anyway. In case you don’t get the chance to lounge around in a coffee shop this week, we’ll break it down for you.

Cover: I guess this guy is the most famous waiter in Austin.

News and Letters: Nothing really interesting or crazy this week. The right wing christians have finally stopped complaining about the cover with the Bible over the womans vagina — which is too bad because letters from enraged christians are one of the best things about free weeklies.

26. Eastside Neighborhood Uprooted. Unfortunate, but interesting story about the demise of a community garden which includes a psycho beating people up and tearing out the vegetables they had planted. That’s seriously bad karma, dude.

30. City Election stuff. This is no doubt important stuff of which I have no understanding or comprehension. If you know about politics and would like to write for our site, send me an e-mail.

35. I really like the girl they use in these Laboratory Computer ads. Oooh, she has a website.

46. Feature Article this week is about Restaurant Service. Apparently, service in Austin restaurants sucks more than it does other places in the country. I thought the bad service was an intentional way of preserving Austin’s reputation as a “hip” city. Bad service means the servers have better things to do and are therefore way more “hip” than you are. But according to this article, the bad service is not due to a carefully planned strategy, but is instead due to complete incompentence, lack of training and the fact that the servers really don’t give a shit.

57. Screens. Austin Studios now has a huge blue screen that they are using to shoot child safety propaganda starring John Walsh of AMERICA’S MOST WANTED.

58. Interview with Jason Reitman, director of THANK YOU FOR SMOKING. I think this is the movie to see this weekend.

87. Ad for Kinky Friedman for Governor Campaign Fundraiser and Rally. Sunday April 2 at Antones. Doors open at 6:30, rally starts at 7:00.

128. Cartoons. I like Bitter Yeti in the City. Jason Stout is the man. If I was made editor of the Chronicle, the first thing I would do is hire more local cartoonists and expand the comics section out to four pages. I guarantee you people would read it. I don’t know why they hide the comics in the back next to the hooker ads.

That’s about it. Nothing too exciting, but as always, the Chronicle is essential reading. And it’s FREE!