People

Ricardo, a local Austin artist, described something to me he calls a bean bomb.  In his childhood, these were homemade devices kids hurled at annoying grown-ups.  Or maybe he was the only one throwing them– I’m not sure. 

Regardless, to make a bean bomb, you must put poop in a mason jar.  A bean is planted in the poop, and when the bean gets all sprouty, the bomb is ready to be tossed, preferably at Christians.  I am unclear on the purpose of the bean other than to give the bomb its name, but really, “poop bomb” sounds fine to me.

Also, although the jar fills with methane, the gas is not ignited prior to throwing.  It is possible that the bean bomb ignites itself upon smashing, but I think it is more likely that the bean bomb is just an elaborate way to fling poo.

Saturdays.  People’s Pharmacy on N. Lamar.  You must talk to Ricardo. 

On Saturdays Ricardo sits on the benches outside of the people’s pharmacy against a backdrop of tabloid paper sized ink drawings of famous sites all around Austin and other parts of the country.  As people pass him to go into the store, he grumbles about people hating art under his breath. 

He is a stocky man, white hair, in his 60s, wearing an old T-shirt, unsmiling.  From his appearance, I couldn’t tell he was selling art.  I thought that the drawings taped all over the pharmacy’s windows were a part of some coloring contest for kids.  I told him as much and he countered that everyone knows him and knows that he’s selling art, but people don’t care about art anymore.

Sensing that art is a sore point for Ricardo, I let the subject go, but apparently I had not only broken ice, but floodgates of conversation.  Ricardo is a genius quantum theorist, a genius string theorist; he studies voices in white noise and the history of Christianity.  Mary, mother of God, hid in Southern France after her son’s death, and aliens probably won’t come back to Earth because humanity is too stupid. 

Really, if you want to engage in deep, philosophical coffee shop conversation, you must pay Ricardo a visit.  And bring five bucks with you so you can buy one of his drawings.  They really are quite good.

This is the first installment of a new feature here at the Austin Outsider. We are going to be interviewing the people reponsible for some of your favorite Austin blogs. First up is Ellen Simonetti - but you may know her better as the Queen of the Sky - or as Austin’s newest gossip writer.

Ellen’s blog, Diary of a Flight Attendant, attracted quite a bit of attention when she posted some photos of herself in her flight attendants uniform. Once her bosses at Delta Airlines found out about the pics, they fired her. That was just the beginning, because Ellen kicked her blog into high gear, detailing her legal battles with Delta. Now she is in the process of turning the experience into a book.

But don’t let all of that make you think that Ellen’s blogging is all serious, because she has just launched a new blog called Austin Gossip. Here’s our mini-interview with Ellen Simonetti…

[click to continue...]